American Express 1: A-mess

Just before I left on Christmas vacation last year, I received a little bill-stuffer from American Express touting its "Gateway Plus" program, their buyer-protection-plus plan...so to speak.  One of the features, and I quote, is that the plan:

"...protects eligible retail purchases made with the Card automatically against accidental physical damage and most theft for 90 days from date of purchase."

Simple enough.  Or so I thought.

One of my holiday Amex splurges was a $325 Gucci hat, which I shared with my son Hayes who, to be honest, looked a whole lot better in it than I did.  Which is why, when he wanted to borrow it for a night on the town, I was happy to lend it to him.

Well, four hours later, a somewhat upset Hayes came home and told me that said hat had been stolen at a bar.  He had taken it off to fix his hair, and when he went to put it on again, it was gone.

"No problem!" I beamed with confidence.  "We are covered by American Express's 'Gateway Plus'!  We'll have a new one before we know it."

Or so I thought.

The process to recover the three hundred bucks or so proved more difficult than applying for political asylum refugee status.  Here's what I had to provide:

1. A copy of the police report of the stolen Item

2. The original receipt

3. The American Express statement with the purchase shown on it

4. A written statement from me explaining exactly what happened

5. A statement from my homeowners' insurance indicating the deductible (if it is higher than the purchase price of item) OR a copy of the claim to my homeowners' insurance if the deductible is lower than the $341.85...the price plus tax. (Either way, they needed proof of insurance.)

6. The purchase protection claim had to be submitted with all of the above within 30 days of the incident

7. A blood sample, DNA test and title to my first-born grandchild

Okay, so I'm kidding about #7...but barely.

So here's the point.  I've been an Amex "member" for close to a quarter-century.  Last year on my Amex card, between personal and business use, I charged--and paid!!!--the equivalent of the GNP of a small nation (unfortunately, here I am NOT kidding). 

I understand there may be abuses of the Gateway Plus system, but a quick check would show the Amex folks that I had never used this in the past (and if I were trying to screw them, it would be for more than $325...).

Considering the many tens-of-thousands they have made off me throughout the years, and the fact they could check my insane purchase patterns instantly, you'd figure they could say: "Hey, sorry about the loss. We appreciate your business throughout the years. Here's a new hat."

Instead, they get this blog post.

And I replace the damn hat.

But charge it to my Visa card.

(Tune in tomorrow for Part 2 of this saga, as Amex pulls a Surprise 360-degree turnaround.)